LOVE, MARRIAGE, AND FAMILY
"So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
And God blessed them, and God said to them,
"Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it."
Book of Genesis 1:27-28
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother
and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Book of Genesis 2:24
One can see from the Bible and the very biology of the human body that it is natural for a man and a woman to be together. God created woman because "it is not good for man to be alone" [Genesis 2:18]. From the beginning of time, as recorded in the Book of Genesis, God planned for man and woman to unite in love and harmony for continuity of his creation, the human race.
True love between a man and a woman leads to marriage. Marriage brings mutual comfort and a family. Children are the fruit and bond of a marriage. The family provides a framework for each family member to grow as a person in love and security.
LOVE
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your mind.
This is the greatest and the first commandment.
The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Gospel of Matthew 22:37-39
"The aim of our charge is love
that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith."
First Letter of Timothy 1:5
Love is the favorite subject of artists and poets throughout the ages. Mary's love for the Christ child is evident on her facial expression on paintings throughout the West. We are familiar with Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet; and Alfred Lord Tennyson's famous line, "Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all;" and recently the poet Kahlil Gibran, who wrote "Love is to know the pain of too much tenderness," and "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." A Severe Mercy, the 1980 National Book Award winner by Sheldon Vanauken, is one of the most beautiful love stories ever written. Popular music is filled with the subject of love, such as the number one song Love is a Many Splendored Thing by the Four Aces in 1955; the 1929 classic Stardust, the last popular rendition by Spanky and Our Gang in 1968; and My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, the theme song from the 1997 movie Titanic.
Love makes the world go round!
Loving someone and being loved brings happiness. There are many loves in one's life, such as your parents, your sweetheart, your family, your children, or your best friend. We all want and need love. This is essential to the human race. We need to help each other, cooperate with each other, and reaffirm each other.
Mystery and a kind of mysticism surround love. Why do people fall in love? The heart is the seat of the emotions, one of the three spiritual centers of the person, along with the intellect and the will. It was the writer Blaise Pascal who said "Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait pas - the heart has its reasons which the mind knows nothing of." The higher emotions, such as love, joy, sorrow, or contrition, cannot be willed, but suddenly well up in a person, and pervade his whole being.
God is important to your love relationship! Love of God grows as you mature in life. We become grateful for all his gifts, such as the beauty of creation and our family. And we become especially grateful for his forgiveness when we fall. His gifts to us are so plentiful that it is only just that we love him. We begin to appreciate that "God is love!" (1 John 4:8). He is a wonderful example of love, because His love is unconditional. We find that if we live in harmony with God and nature, we are the happiest. Someone who loves God will strive to be good, honest, and faithful, and develop all the values necessary to sustain a love relationship through the years. Loving God means you are both trying to live His way and that you are being fair and true to each other.
The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) stresses this important point in Works of Love: "Worldly wisdom thinks that love is a relationship between man and man. Christianity teaches that love is a relationship between
man-God-man, that is, that God is the middle term."
He then contrasts this with romantic love: "when love ceases - when in erotic love, in friendship, that is, when in the love-relationship between two persons something intervenes and love ceases - then as people say, these two have a falling out. The bond is broken. When a relationship is only between two, one always has the upper hand in the relationship by being able to break it, for as soon as one has broken, the relationship is broken. But when there are three, one person cannot do this. The third, as mentioned, is love itself, which the innocent sufferer can hold to in the break, and then the break has no power over him."
Love gives one a sense of immortality. The existentialist Kierkegaard described love as uniting the temporal with the eternal. This is best understood when you lose someone you love, such as your mother. Even though your mother has died and is no longer with you on earth, your love for her lives on.
Karol Wojtyla, who became our beloved Pope John Paul II, in 1960 wrote about the development of love in his book Love and Responsibility. In true love between a man and woman, there is an evolution from attraction and desire to a feeling of good will towards the other person. A healthy integration of sensuality, sentiment, and loving kindness takes place, so that one looks at the other with love, and treasures the other person. Chastity is important, for each person moderates desire and sexuality to allow friendship, tenderness, and a spiritual bond to grow. If you truly love someone, you feel responsible for them. Love finds its natural and proper expression in the union of two persons. Respect for the dignity of the beloved is given in union through marriage. Both man and woman affirm each other, until a commitment of the will and union through marriage takes place, a self-surrender of each for the other.
C. S. Lewis in his book The Four Loves describes four kinds of human love: affection, romantic love, friendship, and the love of God. Storge, or affection, is the natural love a parent has for a child.
Eros, or romantic love, is the desire two have for each other. Plato considered eros something like poetic rapture upon seeing the beauty of another. Eros is the longing for the beauty and company of the beloved when two persons fall in love. This is in contrast to someone who has sexual desire without being in love, who wants to use the other strictly for selfish pleasure. A utilitarian relationship, in which the sexual partner becomes an object for use, holds no long-term possibility for joy, fulfillment, or happiness, but rather leaves one empty, disappointed, and ultimately alone.
Filia is the love of friendship, but may have conditions. It gives, but may expect something equal in return.
Agape is true, unconditional love, a generosity of spirit which gives and expects nothing in return. It is the love that God has for us. It is love at the highest level. The more true love there is between a man and a woman, or among family and friends, the more successful the relationship.
The following are some famous Biblical passages about love and choosing a husband or wife.
"Place me as a seal upon your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its ardor endures to the grave.
It burns with blazing flame,
a raging fire.
Torrents of rain cannot quench love;
nor floods sweep it away.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give away all I have,
and if I deliver my body to be burned,
but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient,
love is kind;
love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease;
as for knowledge, it will pass away.
For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;
but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child;
when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully,
even as I have been fully understood.
So faith, hope, love abide, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians 13:1-13
For this is the will of God, your sanctification:
that you abstain from sexual immorality;
that each one of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor,
not in the passion of lust like heathen who do not know God.
First Letter of St. Paul to the Thessalonians 4:3-5
MARRIAGE
Marriage is the institution of our Creator and blessed in the ceremony of our Churches to realize in man God's design for love. Marriage recognizes the interpersonal relationship of man and woman, in which the well-being and self-realization of each partner become a priority for the other. Marriage provides a framework for the mutual love and self-giving of man and woman to each other in human sexuality, and in so doing, provides for continuity of the human family. Religions have always protected the sanctity of marriage and the family.
Marriage provides a solid foundation for romantic love.
The union of a man and a woman is natural. The natural language -indeed, the very biology- of the human body is such that the man gives to the woman and the woman receives the man. The love and friendship between a man and a woman grow into a desire for marriage. The sacrament of marriage gives the couple the grace to grow into a union of heart and soul, to provide stability for themselves and their children. Children are the fruit and bond of a marriage.
The bond of marriage between a man and a woman lasts all the days of their lives, and the form of the rite consists of the mutual exchange of vows by a couple, both of whom have been baptized. The minister serves as a witness to the couple in the West, but serves as the actual minister of the rite in the East. The matter follows later through consummation of the marriage act.
Sacred Scripture begins with the creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God, and concludes with a vision of the "wedding-feast of the Lamb [Revelations 19:7, 9]". The bond of marriage is compared to God's undying love for Israel in the Old Testament, and Christ's love for his Church in the New Testament.
Jesus stresses the importance of the marriage bond in his Ministry [Matthew 19:6, 8]. The importance of marriage is substantiated by the presence of Christ at the wedding feast of Cana, where he began his public ministry at the request of his mother Mary by performing his first miracle [John 2]. It is the Apostle Paul who identifies the marriage of man and woman with the unity of Christ and his Church.
But from the beginning of creation, `God made them male and female.'
`For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
Gospel of St. Mark 10:6-9
"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."
First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians 7:2-4
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church.
This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.
In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself,
and the wife should respect her husband."
St. Paul to the Ephesians 5:25, 32-33
FAMILY
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
Psalms 127:3-5
A child is a blessing from God!
This theme reverberates throughout Hebrew Scripture, our Old Testament of the Bible (Genesis 1:28, 17, 28:3; Deuteronomy 32:39; Job 12:10; Psalms 127:3-5 and 139:13-16; Proverbs 13:22 and 17:6; Isaiah 44:24; Jeremiah 1:5). We learn in the New Testament that Jesus Christ treasured children in his midst, and in fact said that we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:3).
The family is the basic building block of society. The family is a community of life and love, founded upon marriage, to protect each family member and to communicate love. Marriage provides commitment and security to each member of the family. A family gives you your identity and background, and a sense of belonging. Within our family we are able to share our daily experiences, and give our life meaning. The family is there to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and those important passages in life. The joy of a new baby entering your world is overwhelming. Just as moving is to see children care for parents when they are ill or dying.
The family is there when you fall, to protect and support you in times of hardship. Your family is an opportunity to grow in virtue, such as love, generosity, and, yes, patience! And one quickly learns that forgiveness is the key to peace.
A young family is especially lots of fun. All of us would play baseball in the back yard, or the boys and I would play football with some of the neighborhood kids. One of our favorite family games was a version of "Hide and Go Seek in the Dark" - we would put on the theme song from Close Encounters of the Third Kind while everyone would hide, and when the music stopped, the person who was it would look for everybody with a flashlight.
Dinnertime together was a chance to pray and review the day, as well as a time to laugh. Our children were very good about saying prayers at bedtime. Sunday was our family day. We would start the day all going to Mass. Then we would take a ride and go out for dinner, and in the summer, we would go to the beach and pick up supper and ice cream on the way home.
Pope John Paul II calls the family the sanctuary of life in his encyclical The Gospel of Life. "Within the family each member is accepted, respected, and honored precisely because he or she is a person; and if any family member is in greater need, the care which she or he receives is all the more intense and attentive."
As the parents have given life to their children, they have the primary responsibility in the education of their children. The family is the principle school of the social virtues which are necessary for every society.
The Bible offers some excellent advice on raising children, advice that our permissive society would be wise to heed!
"He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves his son is diligent to discipline him."
Book of Proverbs 13:24
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise),
"that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth."
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
St. Paul to the Ephesians 6:1-4
"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged."
St. Paul to the Colossians 3:20-21
References and Further Reading
1 Navarre RSV Bible , Four Courts Press, Dublin, Ireland, 2005.
2 Kahlil Gibran. The Prophet. AA Knopf, New York, 1977.
3 Michael Healy. The Nature of Love. Class Lectures, Texts, and Notes, Franciscan University, Steubenville, Ohio, 2006.
4 Karol Wojtyla (1920-2005). Love and Responsibility. First published in 1960. Ignatius Press, San Francisco, 1993.
5 Sheldon Vanauken. A Severe Mercy.
Harper San Francisco, 1977, 1980.
6 Four Aces. Love is a Many Splendored Thing. Music by Sammy Fain and words by Paul Frances Webster, 1955.
7 Spanky and Our Gang. Stardust. Music by Hoagy Carmichael and words by Mitchell Parish,
1929.
8 Celine Dion. My Heart Will Go On, Theme Song from Titanic. Songwriter, James Horner, 1997.
9 CS (Clive Staples) Lewis (1898-1963). The Four Loves.
Harcourt-Brace, Orlando, Florida, 1960.
10 Soren Kierkegaard. Works of Love.
Original Publication, Copenhagen, Denmark, 1847. Translation, Harper & Row, New York, 1964.
11 Dietrich von Hildebrand. The Heart. Franciscan Herald Press, Chicago, 1977.
12 Pope John Paul II. Evangelium Vitae - The Gospel of Life, Times Books, Random House, New York, 1995.
13 Pope John Paul II. The Original Unity of Man and Woman, in The Theology of the Body - Human Love in the Divine Plan. Pauline Books and Media, Boston, 1997.
14 Henry Gray. Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body. 39th Edition, edited by Susan Standring. Churchill Livingstone, Elsevier, Orlando, Florida, 2004.
15 Cunningham FG, MD, Editor: William's Obstetrics, 21st Edition, McGraw-Hill,
New York, 2001.
16 Plato. Phaedrus. Penguin Classics, London, England, 2005.
Jesus
Mary
Life Begins at Conception
Principles of Medical Ethics
